Well we finally managed to come up with a name for the upcoming "holiday" that is more in keeping with my own sense of the chaotic, rediculous, stressed out people, and yet a very amusing time of year. Our family has decided we will celebrate and give thanks to ALL the dead trees that gave their lives to have strange things hung on their branches, and then be tossed out after dropping it's needleds all over the floor.

Our "Dead Tree Celebratrion" will be funfilled, with the Eggnog, Xmas tunes, and all the usual trimmings. I have lots of gifts for my girls, but in keeping a promise to husband just got him some second hand cardigans, for his work. I could buy him new ones, but he won't wear them to work then - because it's new - and it will hang in his closet till it rots. This way he can get the use of it, and feel OK because it is not new. Ironically I paid only 5.00 for them, and the tags were still on them from the previous owner - someone gave them away new - likely from the closet they hung in for years waiting to be worn - because they were "too new to get dirty at work". Now they are my old/new sweaters and get to be worn. The irony is really funny, and sad at the same time. A lesson in "enjoying the moment, and what you have NOW", don't put it away for a "good day" that may not come.

I work over the Holidays except for Christmas (Dead Tree) Day. I am kind of glad this year to be seperated from it all. I am simply having a hard time connecting my own beliefs, faith, with that of what I am now seeing in the world around me. I want to do my best to keep my family feeling positive and happy, they so deserve it. At the same time it is a struggle for me. It is a bit easier to just not be there for some of the lead up.

My 7 month old Boxer puppy is very excited about all the gifts she wants to tear open, and all the nice rattling paper. She was so happy to be in the middle of all the wrapping going on, stealing bows, bags, paper, and running off to hide it in her hiding spot - which is very obvious to anyone. She also likes to pull branches off the bottom of the tree, and hide them. It truly is so much fun to watch her. Since this is her first winter, she is not too keen on the cold. I got her some second hand "hoodies", children's size 6, and she loves to put them on and wear them, it's too funny to see her going dragging it behind her for us to dress her up in it. I'll post some pics after the holidays so you can see her.

Well, back to work for awhile. Hopefully there will be no suicides, and no deaths today. Here's prayin'...

Namaste

Heather

It's all so crazy, the chaos, hustle and bustle, commercialism, guilt, shame, and a never ending list of connections that goes along with this time of year.

This is my second year working in the Emrgency Room of a major hospital, and the only trauma centre for the whole province. In my past positions I became very aware of the connections made with what has become a less than happy time for so many people. In this job it is glaring, how bad it has become.

I removed myself, as much as possible, from what we refer to as "Christmas" 2 years ago, and each year I work a little harder to disconnect with this holiday. However, since I still have children that want to celebrate, I do so, and do my very best to enjoy every precious moment, despite the truth I have come to know. My daughter's do understand what my spirituality is all about, and do support me completely. I give back by supporting them in their celebrations. At the same time they know that as the years goe on, while I will always have food, joy, love, and sharing waiting for them, I ask that they we decrease our gift exchange, and when we give, we donate our gifts where it is most needed.

As in my last Blog, the place I work can be such a difficult place during holidays. Today is another. There are many unreported suicides this time of year, more than any other time. There are more attempts than any other time of year. Today there is a horrific suicide, with all of the blood fit for some TV show. There is a devastated family somewhere today, but with hope this also may mean life giving organs for another, a reason to celebrate, (I  hope), for more than one family tonight.

This holiday we call Christmas, is all over the TV, every store decked out with music and tinsel, choirs, shows, commercials with promises of happiness and people "filled" with joy. I don't see too many shows or commercials talking about how to reach out for help if this same season is creating unsurmoutable heartache, serious depression, a relapse into addiction, or thoughts of death or suicide. Each year we see tradgedy surrounding malls, schools, highways and each year we quickly blame individuals for the events. Sadness has many faces, depression many more, anger several more, heartbreak surrounds us all. As often as I see a commercial for the latest computer, I'd like to see one that gives a message of hope to those who have little left. I would like so see less people come through the door as organ donors because of the inability to cope with the pain, and the pressure put on them to make a "christmas" that is depicted in the commercials, hallmark cards and TV shows. I would like to see this season celebrated by so many, be about something far more important than it has become.

Having said all of this, my own lesson to take home is to remember that I MUST celebrate every moment I can with those I love. I cannot take anything for granted, and I must choose carefully who I spend precious time with so as not to waste any more than is necessary. Life is so very precious, and so very fragile. Every day we loose a battle to save a few, every day we must celebrate those that we manage to still be a part of.

Namaste

Heather

Some days work in the ER is crazy, a wild Hurricane of action swirling about, a sense of both quiet chaos and desperation from staff overworked and understaffed trying to cope with what is thrown at them. Other days in the ER are shocking, when events of the day have us taking a deep breath, glad we were not the ones in the huge accident, and calling  home as the ambulances arrive, to be sure our loved ones were not on the street.

There are rare, but very occasionally there are slower days when staff get to eat sitting down, speak to each other, and share a moment or two that is truly appreciated.

Today was none of those, today is a Sad day in the ER, and every now and then, a particular incident happens, a diagnoses is made, or an accident occurs that permeates the department with a heaviness, a sense of grief, an aching heart, and the feeling of just getting through the 12 hours today, so one can go home and cry.Yes, today is one of those days.

Today a woman in her 50's came to the ER. Just one week ago she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour. I am sure her family was devastated and they were all saddened and trying to be brave and use what would be precious time in the very best way possible. They were working on making this Christmas their last. However today she had to come to the ED, and it is unlikely she will make it that long. I was talking to her family and one of the sons was reading a letter to the editor about how the season should be only called "Christmas " and blah...blah... blah... and he said you know, how silly all of this is, all I want is one more day with her awake and pain free". Whatever the "season" was or is, is now irrelevent, but today and tomorrow are all that matter's.

The second sad thing was a fellow nurse, we all knew, had a severe suicide attempt and will not be waking up to a normal state again. Severe brain damage, long coma, there is little left. I am so sad for her, and so sad that no matter how much help there was surrounding her, she could not reach out and ask for help. I am sad for her children, all in their 20's, to have to now take on major decisions regarding her care.

Yes, today there is a heaviness in the ED, every staff is feeling it, it's palpable. We don't have time to talk about it, or cry, people are waiting and they don't like waiting, so we keep moving. Maybe tonight I'll cry, maybe tomorrow, whenever I can just sit still and rest my mind and let my feelings flow. For now I have 5 more hours to get though without letting this sadness sink in.

I've been away from my blog for a while, so much to catch up on reading everyone's previous blogs!!

There was no one particular reason to be away, life just got very busy for awhile, and being part of that can be like a hurricane sometimes. Most of the time I try to stay in the "Eye" of the storm and let everything circle around me in it's own Chaos, most times I succeed, other time's I get sucked into the vortes for awhile. This time I went in mostly by choice. I say "mostly" because it was to fight a fight brought on by our provincial government here in Nova Scotia against it's nurses. It boggles my mind that the "ivory tower" just does not get it that we are in a crisis when it comes to nurses in our province. They are doing everything in their power to alienate our nurses and one by one they are driftin away to places ready to scoop them up faster than one can say "oh crap".

Enough of that for now, I've been fighting the good fight, and am now lying down and saying "fine, here's your rope, go hang".

I wanted to put something in my Blog about this time of year and what it means to Halifax NS. It's also a Thank you sent out to Boston for what it did 90 years ago for a small city a country away when Borders didn't matter and people did!!

Thursday, December 6, 1917, dawned bright and clear in Halifax. World War I raged in Europe, and the port city was busy with the movement of war ships carrying troops, relief supplies and munitions.

Around eight that morning, the Norweigan ship carrying relief supplies to Belgium, SS Imo left its mooring in Bedford Basin and headed for open sea. At about the same time, the French ship SS Mont-Blanc was heading up the harbour to moor, awaiting a convoy to accompany her across the Atlantic. A convoy was essential; this small, barely seaworthy vessel was carrying a full cargo of explosives. Stored in the holds, or simply stacked on deck, were 35 tons of benzol, 300 rounds of ammunition, 10 tons of gun cotton, 2,300 tons of picric acid (used in explosives), and 400,000 pounds of TNT.

SS Imo, a much larger and faster ship than SS Mont-Blanc, passed into the Narrows. She was travelling fast, and too close to Dartmouth when SS Mont-Blanc first spotted her. SS Mont-Blanc, not flying the regulation red flag to indicate she was carrying explosives, signalled that she was in her correct channel; SS Imo, however, signalled that she was intending to bear even further to port, closer to Dartmouth and further into SS Mont-Blanc's channel. SS Mont-Blanc signalled again that she was still intending to pass to starboard; she was by this time very close to the Dartmouth shore and travelling "dead slow."

SS Imo, however, did not swing towards Halifax, as SS Mont-Blanc expected; she signalled instead that she was maintaining her course. SS Mont -Blanc, perhaps wrongly, saw only one course open -- to swing to port, towards Halifax, across the bows of SS Imo, and thus pass starboard to starboard.

Perhaps the ships might have passed without incident, but SS Imo signalled "full speed astern." So did SS Mont-Blanc, but it was too late. Reversing her engines caused SS Imo's bow to swing right, and it struck SS Mont-Blanc -- missing the TNT, but striking the picric acid stored directly beneath the drums of benzol on deck. The impact cut a wedge in SS Mont -Blanc's side, and struck deadly sparks.

The crew of SS Mont-Blanc, aware of their cargo, immediately took to the lifeboats, screaming warnings that no one heeded. They rowed for Dartmouth, leaving the now furiously burning ship to drift towards Halifax, propelled in that direction by SS Imo's impact.

SS Mont-Blanc drifted by a Halifax pier, brushing it and setting it ablaze. Members of the Halifax Fire Department responded quickly, and were positioning their engine up to the nearest hydrant when SS Mont-Blanc disintegrated in a blinding white flash, creating the biggest man-made explosion before the nuclear age. It was 9:05am.

Over 1,900 people were killed immediately; within a year the figure had climbed well over 2,000. Around 9,000 more were injured, many permanently; 325 acres, almost all of north-end Halifax, were destroyed.

Much of what was not immediately levelled burned to the ground, aided by winter stockpiles of coal in cellars. As for SS Mont-Blanc, all 3,000 tons of her were shattered into little pieces that were blasted far and wide. The barrel of one of her cannons landed three and a half miles away; part of her anchor shank, weighing over half a ton, flew two miles in the opposite direction. Windows shattered 50 miles away, and the shock wave was even felt in Sydney, Cape Breton, 270 miles to the north-east.

There were about 20 minutes between the collision and the explosion at 9:05. It was enough time for spectators, including many children, to run to the waterfront to watch the ship burning, thus coming into close range. It was enough time for others to gather at windows, and thus an exceptionally large number of people were injured by flying glass -- 1,000 unfortunate survivors sustained eye damage.

Not surprisingly, hospitals were unable to cope with so many wounded. There was also a desperate need for housing, and the misery was compounded by the blizzard that struck the city the following day, dumping 16 inches of snow over the ruins and their sooty, oily covering.

With astounding speed, relief efforts were set in motion. Money poured in from as far away as China and New Zealand. The Canadian government gave $18 million, the British government almost $5 million, but most Haligonians remember the generosity of the state of Massachusetts, which donated $750,000 in money and goods and gave unstintingly in volunteer assistance through the Massachusetts-Halifax Relief Committee. To this day, Halifax sends an annual Christmas tree to the city of Boston in gratitude.

Gradually, Halifax was put back together, though nothing could compensate for lost lives. Within two months over 1,500 victims had been buried, some unidentified; the remaining victims were discovered only in the spring as excavation was made easier. A relief committee was set up to provide clothing, money and furniture, and this committee existed for almost 59 years. There are still a few survivors of the blast receiving pensions from the Relief Committee's fund.

Three thousand houses were repaired in the first seven weeks; in January, temporary apartments were being constructed at the rate of one every hour. Rebuilding continued apace, and a few months later, construction started on 328 houses in the area bordered by Young, Agricola, Duffus and Gottingen Streets. The houses were built from cement blocks known as hydrostones, and (with a design unusually forward-thinking for the time) had gardens with trees in front, and modern plumbing and electricity. This area, still known as the Hydrostone, is considered one of the more attractive and desirable parts of Halifax in which to live.

On Dec. 6, 1992, the Halifax Fire Department erected a monument in front of Station 6 (corner of Lady Hammond Road and Robie Street), in honour of the nine members who died attempting to fight the fire on SS Mont-Blanc.

Over eighty years later, there are few survivors left to tell their stories. But Halifax has not forgotten, and every Dec. 6 at 9am there is a service by the Memorial Bells at Fort Needham, close to where SS Mont-Blanc exploded.

A moving exhibit on the Explosion, "Halifax Wrecked," can be seen at the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic, Lower Water Street. Maritime Museum of the Atlantic - Halifax Explosion

See also "Shattered City: The Halifax Explosion and the Road to Recovery" by Janet F. Kitz.

National Archives of Canada - Virtual Exhibit: Tragedy on the Home Front

Copyright ) Tourism Halifax/Metro Guide Publishing, Ltd. Electronic version of this guide is brought to you by the Training Technologies Group, Faculty of Management, Dalhousie University.